#7, What If You’re Not Supposed to Have It All Figured Out? An Interview with a Pediatric ER Doctor

Dr. Jihei Cha works in the Pediatric Emergency Room (PER) at Asan Medical Center, the largest and most renowned hospital in Korea. The PER is an emotionally draining environment – always incredibly busy and urgent, with immense risk and responsibility resting on her shoulders. During her early times in the department, the weight of this responsibility was so heavy that she confessed she sometimes cried in the parking lot because she simply couldn’t bear to go in and face another day.

To understand how she arrived here, one must look back at the beginning. In the Korean admissions system, students typically prepare for the ‘Suneung’—the ultimate, high-stakes college entrance exam—all throughout high school and decide their college or major based on their score afterward. Dr. Cha didn’t give much thought to her major; since both of her parents were in humanities-related majors, she assumed she would do the same. In fact, her dream was to become a Hyunmoyangcheo, a traditional Korean term for a wise mother and good wife.

However, her Suneung score was much higher than intended, high enough to apply to majors well beyond the humanities. Around that time, she became interested in the concept of Doctors Without Borders and thought it would be great if she could partake in that work; as a result, she applied to medical school and began studying medicine. Even her specific field was chosen by following a friend’s lead; although she initially intended to go into Radiology, she followed her friend's lead after hearing they were applying to a certain field in a certain hospital, so she ended up in Pediatrics instead.

Now let us return to the present. Despite this seemingly rather unplanned path, and despite the intense level of stress of her current occupation described earlier in this article, Dr. Cha has never once felt the desire to quit or change jobs during her entire career. She attributes this steadfast commitment to two main factors:

• Total Engagement: She simply cannot imagine doing anything else. Medicine is a discipline that requires complete devotion and deep understanding, which occupies her full energy. She also lightheartedly noted that she was never particularly talented or quick at doing other things, such as using computers.
• Joy in the Process: While her work may be overwhelming and demanding at times, she genuinely enjoys what she does. Surprisingly, her motivation is not driven by a grandiose sense of mission or duty, but by the pure joy of communicating with children, diagnosing them, and treating them. This natural alignment makes her frequently think, “Wow, I was really made to do this”.

Underpinning Dr. Cha's professional life is a rather brash and simple confidence and faith in God, combined with a distinct tendency to not become engrossed in thinking about herself. Because she refrains from overthinking what she personally wants, she finds it much easier to discern the difference between her own desires and what God is trying to get through to her.

I observed that this personal disposition also seemed to prevent her from asking too many questions or doubting herself to an unhealthy degree, allowing her to simply “just do it.” While some might view this tendency to implicitly follow as a form of ‘blindness,’ it has proven to be a crucial and often overlooked wisdom. By avoiding excessive self-doubt and unnecessary detours, Dr. Cha appears to have built a career that is both renowned and in perfect sync with her true vocation.

Another big question may be forming: so how exactly does she navigate the intense stress of the PER? While the patients’ conditions are severe, Dr. Cha revealed that it is often the anxiety and fear of the guardians that adds the most tension to the situation. To manage this, therefore, the doctor tries to bring kindness to the hospital daily. Yes, it may sound like a cliché trait, but it is the most crucial quality in an emergency room; it works to minimize "instability factors" in urgent situations. In a high-stakes environment, one wrong word from a doctor can cause a guardian—who is often only a step away from lashing out or breaking down—to escalate the situation. Dr. Cha uses kindness to prevent these escalations, pursuing "extreme efficiency";  she understands that cleaning up a situation that has already turned negative is far more difficult than preventing it from the start. The same goes for when she treats her clinical team, because her treatment of them may result in their treatment of her patients. She describes this ability to control and stabilize the atmosphere as a form of charisma.

Reflecting on this, it seems Dr. Cha’s personality and way of life make her uniquely optimized for this brand of "kindness-charisma." Because she doesn't spend too much time worrying about what she personally wants or how she is being perceived, she has the emotional bandwidth to think about others and prioritize the patient's and guardian’s needs. Her lack of self-doubt and her "baseless confidence" that she is loved by God allow her to maintain a charismatic level of composure—to remain steady and kind even when others are lashing out. 

Overall, what I found most compelling about Dr. Cha’s story was this. She did not have a perfectly drawn map of her future; she did not enter high school with a carefully constructed vision of becoming a pediatric emergency doctor. She chose medicine almost by chance, entered Pediatrics partly by following a friend, yet eventually found herself in a profession she could not imagine leaving. Her story made me reconsider my own tendency to search for certainty before taking action. Maybe a calling is not always something we have to discover beforehand. Maybe sometimes, we can recognize it only after we have already begun living it.

So perhaps that means we are not supposed to have it all figured out.